I am in the process of applying for grad school.

I simultaneously want to talk about it... and am absolutely beyond sick to death of the entire topic. Applications for college were nothing like this. This... this is something I actually want (not to say I didn't want to go to college, I very much wanted to go). And that makes it absolutely terrifying.

I was eating breakfast this morning when I heard excessive praising of the cat. Wondering what had prompted my mother to bestow such wonderful words on the cat, I went to investigate. The cat was in the litter box doing what cats are supposed to do as my mother crouched nearby crooning. While I am beyond grateful that this may possibly herald a return to household sanity (we've been having issues with the cat)... I couldn't help but be amused.

My room seems to be in a state of never-ending almost finished. I need to be rid of a few key items... but I struggle with the instinct to never through anything away. This is compounded by my mother's considerably worse pack rat tendencies. However, I think it's time. Well, past time really.

Things to go:
-the butterfly chair that has never been functional
-the temporary and improvised shelving cubes
-the box of random assorted items from my high school locker
-my mother's medical journals that served as structural supports for my temporary shelving

Things to rearrange:
-my "desk"
-the cube shelving units from college (?)
-items hanging on walls and in skylight

Major overhauls that will most likely never happen:
-repainting my room (this desperately needs to happen)
-figuring out additional closet space/reducing the number of items hanging from the back of my door
-drain a bit of water from my water bed (it's a bit overfull at the moment, thus I roll off to one side)


Puzzling occurrences include extreme emotional reactions to NPR and the news of Kennedy's death... I almost never nearly cry about things like that. Items of slight concern include the death (expected) of my father's brother whom I have never met despite reassurances to the contrary from said sire. Related, the possibility of the paternal unit moving to Texas; this is far too close for comfort.

I graduated.

(1) It POURED rain the entire time... but we marched on (in ponchos). It was cold and miserable on the quads.

(2) In my desperate quest for breakfast at 8:45 am (while attempting to not miss the processional march and thus not graduate), a man hit me with his car. It was totally his fault; I was in the middle of the street in the crosswalk while he was at a full stop. Apparently he just tired of waiting and hit the gas... while I was still in front of his car . He stopped after shoving me forward a few feet. I looked rather astonished and there were objections and expressions of horror from the sidewalk.



More to come. It was quite a day. Am exhausted.

This is my last quarter. Then I graduate into a life of the Great Beyond.

Classes this quarter:
Intensive study of a culture: PIRATES!
Methodological and Theoretical Analysis of Youth in Society.
Class, Race and Culture in Education.


Things I am happy about:
(1) No more sharing my room. Ever (except in special circumstances such as moving in with a significant other... but let's be honest, that will not be happening anytime soon).
(2) I'll have a coveted Bachelor of Arts degree.
(3) I have an entire house in which I have free reign to rearrange, reconstruct, and redesign.
(4) Carelessly departing in the middle of the quarter to frolic in Monte Carlo for a week.
(5) I have a new song. And a new playlist.
(6) No more continuous analytical thinking 24/7 for at least a year.

Things I am not happy about:
(1) My degree qualifies me for pathetically few jobs. More schooling is needed.
(2) A middle management job that pays practically nothing for a year.
(3) I may not have as much time as I'd like to do accomplish what I want (unpaid) due to the very likely necessity of two jobs.
(4) I have only a vague idea of what I want to do... and how to do it. I hate not knowing.
(5) The terror of asking (full) professors for recommendations. So many have moved!
(6) No more analytical thinking 24/7 for at least a year... what if I perish in the throes of an atrophied mind?!?

My father wants to know when next I will visit. I don't know how to tell him that I have no intention of visiting ever again. Or at least, not for several years.

I am alive. And care naught a wit for the remaining bit of classes... even though I should. I think I'm burned out. Kind of liberating. I find my self seriously daydreaming about the massive house renovation to come. Yay!

May I just say: reeeeally awkward to be writing a prof's paper with the prof, his wife and son sitting directly in front of me. Granted, they're here to say a touching farewell to yet another student leaving India, but still. Can you say self conscious? Not to mention my distinct dislike of touching farewells to people I'm only vaguely sorry to see leave. hm.

Also: I've been wearing the exact same thing for three days now (with the exception of cleanish underwear, in case you were worried). I have no intention of changing my outfit until I arrive home (my god, America!!!!) on Sunday/Monday. As of yet, nothing smells. I may actually wash my shirt before I leave, but that's it. It's comfortable, I look good and I"m not ashamed. SO there.

Have you ever noticed how "usurped" sounds much like "you slurped"? How undignified.

God I wish I smoked.



And then people talk about losing weight re diet modification: no simple carbohydrates, cheese, triglycerides.

Maybe those two go well together.





Hate to love and love to hate him. But I loved the sex he slipped into my coffee.

Weaving words that never heel… weaving words that never heal.



Fucking hell. I’m not feeling very inspired. Not even about words. There are too many, scattered, disparate, jumping from one to another like small atoms, gathering frustration and antipathy like dust mites… waiting for one strong enough to break their resistance and bond them together, dust and all.

What bullshit.

Sometimes it's exhausting living in my head.

I want out.

Frustration ebbs and flows. Right now, it is flowing on high.

Which is frustrating in itself as I have been inordinately happy lately.
I resort to wine. I am angry at my purple wall. I think it needs a moon.

In the words of project runway winner christian somebody: "I am not feeling fierce today."

My emotional turnaround time: approximately 10 minutes. Good. Bad. Okay. Good. Bad. fine.

Last year's ankle bracelet fell off this morning.

I might have scars from the beads on this years ankle bracelet.

I am ready to come home.

So after a weekend curiously filled with massive amounts of sleep...I have finally arisen. Freshly shaven legs, moisturized skin, a pretty dress and I'm now functional. Yayyyyy!!!!

Okay...maybe not totally functional as my own desk chair just scared me when I spun in a circle...it's developed a squeak. And I can't see very far as I refuse to put on my glasses (my world will NOT be bounded tonight) and I'm apparently allergic to contact lenses. But who needs to see clearly? Everyone sees what they want to anyway.


Today's activities:
-Finished Persuasion.
-Fruitless shoe shopping online (lack of funds...marvelous shoes).
-Cooked myself rice (shocking!).
-napping excessively.

And the most alarming revelation of all: my roommate who I share a wall with has now (finally) consummated her relationship (they've been dancing around each other for months, he finally broke up with is girlfriend). I'm so glad my fan was on last night.

Off to drink massive quantities of water. And possibly do the dishes. And stare at all the work I haven't done.

So. I am going home for the summer. I decided this over winter break, but didn't start feeling confident and satisfied with this decision until sometime last week. I am excited.

My plans include:
1. (making) summer dresses appropriate for 90+ degree weather...my favorite temperature.
2. Installing official flooring in the back of my house.
3. Dragging my mother and Kathryn B. out for afternoon cocktails...possibly not at the same time.
4. Roller blading. Or some other activity that requires physical movement.
5. Exploring Tulsa, including participating in all the things I've heard about but never done.

6. Adding to my green bottle plant growing collection.
7. Repainting my room to hide the ink stained finger/foot prints...and perhaps add some pizzaz.
8. Deciding upon a post-graduate path.
9. Working at Gilcrease Museum.
10. Working at Best Hardware...or some other menial job that pays.


These things will be accomplished. But first I must survive the rest of this quarter and the next. My cousins are coming to visit during finals week (first time ever). My eye issue will hopefully be resolved over spring break. And I have a great pair of boots.

That is all for now.

So...summer happened. Very exciting. Lived out of a suitcase for two and a half months, internship at Gilcrease Museum for five weeks, short visit to Ohio, then return to school.


I have an apartment this year. While there are some advantages, I have to say, it's HARD. Two summer sub-letters were fine, one left a HUGE mess. Bio-hazard disgusting. So I cleaned that up. All was relatively well. But now there is a giant square of mold on my bathroom ceiling from the toilet leaking upstairs. The super (very nice) has called a man to fix it (who is here currently, very nice); he took the icky ceiling part out, then went upstairs to investigate the leaky toilet. I think they flushed it, because a giant flood of water just descended into my bathroom. I have visions of needing an umbrella to use the toilet. Rather amusing...though hopefully it will prove unnecessary.

Am living with two males. One (Matt) excellent. Clean, reasonable, intelligent. The other, very nice, I think relatively clean...but he doesn't notice things. I put a white board up o the front door (facing inwards) to post notices--such as a repair man will be fixing stuff this morning, specifically the bathroom--but he just came to find me and ask what was going on. Hm. Weird. Completely in his own world. Oh well.

So my room looks lovely. Except for the small problem of the floor sloping away from the wall; thus when sitting at my desk, if my feet aren't on the floor, I roll away. I suppose, if nothing else, it'll keep me awake. Classes are good. Occasionally boring, with a bitter TA, MASSIVE amounts of readings (as usual for anthro-HD). It's somewhat satisfying to be using the mind again, though, it's calming my worries about money somewhat to be working again too.

Classes are all day Tuesday/Thursday:
-Biology of Gender
-Anthropological Perspectives on Governance and the State
-Introduction to Human Development
-Cultural Psychology

Must run for beverages. Love to those I do!

Midterm/Final for Settlement Systems: finished.

Response paper due at 5pm (today): not done. Barely begun.
Reading quiz due tomorrow at 520pm: not done. Not begun.
Self, Culture and Society Paper due tomorrow at 5pm: not started.

Final (two) papers for anthro due tuesday at 3pm: not started.
Final paper for HD Religion: not started.
Final paper (right after other paper) forSelf, Culture and Society: not started.

hm.

The blood pressure thing happened again. Except this time it was with my other roommate. I think I'm stressed.